As I continue creating custom pieces while listening to daily stories of pet loss, I’ve begun to notice certain patterns—hints, perhaps, that can help with healing.
Today, I’d like to share a question I often receive:
“Why can’t I cry, even though I’m heartbroken?”
Some people say they didn’t shed a single tear after their beloved pet passed away.
They felt deep sorrow, yet their mind remained foggy and detached.
While family members wept openly, they found themselves calm—unable to cry.
Have you ever felt that way?
Are you struggling with this kind of reaction?
In most cases, when someone loses a pet, the tears come naturally and won’t stop.
But there are also many who can’t cry, even when they want to.
More people go through this than you might think.
Some hold back their tears because they’re worried about how others might see them.
Others are simply in shock—unable to fully accept the loss.
I’ve even had someone say to me,
“Does this mean I’m a cold, unfeeling person?”
Today, I’d like to share my thoughts on this kind of grief, based on the conversations I’ve had with many people just like you.
Related article: When it’s hard to say goodbye to a pet, make a space to cry and cry properly
Now, let’s return to the main question:
Does not being able to cry mean you’re cold-hearted?
Absolutely not.
Sometimes the pain is simply too deep for tears.
Even during family funerals, I’ve found myself feeling strangely calm while others cried.
When I lost my paternal grandparents in my younger years, I didn’t shed a tear. I was composed, even though I felt the loss deeply.
But when I was in my forties and said goodbye to my maternal grandmother, the tears flowed freely.
And when I lost my cat, I cried so much I couldn’t stop.
Perhaps age plays a role.
Perhaps it depends on who’s around us, or how the goodbye happened.
I’m not sure why—but I, too, have had moments when I simply couldn’t cry.
My Personal Experience with Pet Loss and Grieving Without Tears
Let me begin by sharing my own experience.
I’ve had to say goodbye to several beloved pets over the years.
When I lost my first dog, the grief and sadness felt overwhelming—but strangely, I don’t remember crying.
Now that I’m older, I find myself tearing up more easily. But back then, I was still young, and perhaps emotionally stronger or more guarded.
Some time ago, I had a memorable encounter that reminded me how different each person’s grief can be.
One day, I was watching planes at an airport observation deck when an elderly woman struck up a conversation with me. As we chatted, she shared something deeply personal:
“When my pet passed away, I was so devastated I couldn’t cry. I carried that pain for years.
Some people cry loudly and seem better the next day—I just couldn’t understand that.”
I responded gently:
“I believe those who can cry are able to start healing sooner.
Not being able to cry—that can be the hardest pain of all.”
She smiled and told me she was glad we talked, then headed toward her boarding gate.
If you’re struggling after saying goodbye to a beloved pet,
create a space where you can cry freely—allow yourself to grieve.
A customer who cried for the first time after receiving a cushion
We’d like to introduce a customer who cried for the first time when her cushion arrived.
We knit yarn, design knitting patterns that look just like photos of pets, and create original products.
This is our Maro cushion.
It’s placed on the sofa where he always sits.
After delivering the cushion to a customer, we sometimes hear things like this.
When we said goodbye, I was just stunned, and no tears came out.
But the moment the cushion arrived and I saw my child’s face, tears started flowing and I cried for the first time.
My father, who had never seen tears before, was crying for the first time when he saw the cushion.
We receive emails like these.
Why do people cry later on?
It’s because something too painful happened that made them unable to cry.
They may have been tense because of preparations for the funeral or something.
I think that later, when their emotions have calmed down, they realize the situation and the tears begin to flow.
The trigger is different for each person, but it seems that sometimes the custom-made knit items we make can make them cry.
You may feel a little better after crying.
Even if you don’t shed tears, it may help you sort out your feelings.
We make knitted cushions, but we believe that what we are really delivering to our customers are the bonds and memories they shared with their pets.
We will continue to work hard to create products that can empathize with everyone’s feelings.
Knitted cushion made from yarn.
