Theme:
Coping with the guilt of having lost a pet and the journey toward emotional recovery.
I knit yarn into memorial items to commemorate loved pets.
my work
Through daily Conversations about pet loss with customer, I’ve noticed that many who are struggling with prolonged grief often carry deep regret.
They dwell on self-blame. The regret feels endless. They wonder, “Could I have done more?” or “Am I responsible because I didn’t notice the illness?” I receive messages from people burdened by such thoughts.
I, too, have experienced similar feelings—and continue to wrestle with them.
Some say,
Others wonder if their decisions—choosing euthanasia, prolonging treatment, or opting for natural death—were the right ones.
Even as I help others reflect, reflect on my own experience, and guide them in sorting their emotions, no one answer eases the grief.
Yet, some of those who have ordered from my shop have managed to overcome their regret.
People find different triggers for recovery, but I’ll draw from customers’ stories to explore ways of moving forward from regret. Specifically, I discuss:
- Reasons we feel regret or guilt
- What we could have done before a pet’s passing to ease that regret
- Triggers that helped people recover
- What memorial items ended up teaching them
Reasons Behind Guilt and Regret
First, acknowledge that there’s always a reason behind such feelings. Though painful, recalling the roots of your regret is the first step to healing.
1. Failing to Notice Illness
Many regret not noticing their pet’s illness early.
I, too, had a cat exhibiting frequent urination and prolonged bathroom visits—but I assumed it would pass.
One day, the cat had bloody urine. I canceled a trip to rush to the vet. Thankfully, nothing serious happened, it was bladder stones, and it turned out okay—but it was a wake-up call. If I had continued traveling without realizing it, I could have lost my life.
That would have led to deep regret, and I felt that this possibility was very close to home.
Years later, that same cat died after a two-month fight with another illness, and I couldn’t help but think, “If I’d realized sooner…”
Read more about cat diseases here.
I hear many stories like this from customers. In the course of consultations, as I share my own experiences and help design memorial items, a transformation often happens. Two common effects uplift people:
- Simply speaking out to someone brings relief.
- Anticipating the completed memorial item can foster a positive outlook.
If you’re struggling, consider talking to someone—or creating a memorial item. If you’d like, you’re welcome to share how you feel when ordering—I’m here to listen and weave your pet’s story into each piece.
Many people who feel responsible or regretful tend to refrain from writing a review after the product has been delivered. They may feel as though they are exposing their own failings.
As another example, let’s take a look at the comments of customers who suddenly lost their beloved dog.
From Kenji:
Our beloved dog suddenly passed away and we were at a loss as to what to do with this hole in our heart, but then we found this site and immediately contacted them.
We had no idea what to do, but we asked a lot of questions and they answered our requests as kindly as they could, so we were able to think things through with ease.
I gave it as a gift to the pet’s owner, my girlfriend, who was sad every day, and she was so happy and said she would treasure this cushion.
We would like to use your service again if we need anything.
Thank you very much.
Ordered item: Knit cushion
2. Accidents
Accidents—like traffic collisions, ingestion of something harmful, or heatstroke—can cause sudden loss and deep guilt. Even the most careful owners may feel powerless when tragedy strikes. A customer who lost her dog unexpectedly wrote:
ご注文商品：ブランケット
3. Unable to Be Present
One customer had prepared for her elderly dog’s passing but stepped out for a few hours—and during that time, the dog died. She regretted not being there at the end.
I think that maybe pets make sure their owners are gone before they depart.
Maybe they feel energized when they are with their owners, and are trying their best to live.
I believe that not being able to be there at the end was a message of love from my pets.
関連記事：様態が急変したペットを病院に預け、入院させた夜に亡くなるペット達
4. Disposed of Keepsakes
Are there any of you out there who regret getting rid of a keepsake?
It seems that for some people, this regret unconsciously leads to regret about how they cared for their pet, and they end up confusing the two.
By listening to their stories, we can sometimes find out the true reason for their regret.
For example, there are people who say they took great care of their pets, showered them with love, and have no regrets, but there are still some things that bother them. When you talk to them, you find that they regret getting rid of many things.
A common case is when the person has disposed of a toy.
In such cases, designing a toy into the piece makes the person very happy.
Sometimes toys can appear in photos, so why not have a look?
From Ponta:
The surprise gift was a great success!
With the addition of a cushion of our beloved dog,
it was a touching birthday party.
You gave us lots of advice from the ordering stage,
and we were able to create a wonderful piece just as we had imagined,
for which we are very grateful.
My wife, who celebrated her birthday, and the whole family, are truly grateful to have been reunited with our beloved dog who has passed away.
Thank you so much for all your help this time.
Ordered item: Knit cushion
5. Funeral Regrets
People sometimes regret what they didn’t do at the funeral—e.g., not placing a letter or favorite toy in the coffin, or being unable to attend due to work. It’s never too late to say goodbye: visit their remains or resting place, offer prayers, and speak or write your thoughts. Spiritual closure matters.
What Could Be Done Beforehand to Avoid Regret?
Once you’ve sorted your regret, consider: Was there anything I could’ve done while they were alive? Truthfully, some regret is inevitable. Illness, accidents—they can’t always be prevented. Even if you made the right decision, regret can still remain.
正しかった選択は何？
My own dog, Muku, battled osteosarcoma for more than a year. We tried everything—new medications, spring water, vet treatments—and he lived far beyond the three‑month prognosis. Still, his passing was heartbreaking. Soon after, I regretted not easing his suffering earlier.
The lesson: whatever choice you make, a degree of regret is human—and proof of loving pets. It’s essential to forgive yourself, and allow your pet to forgive you too.
Related article: Choosing not to give your pet life-prolonging treatment
Customer Stories: Turning Points to Healing
We have received wonderful letters from customers who have had similar experiences.
Here are some stories from customers who found relief through various means.
Recalling their love
I once adopted a cat from a shelter that later passed away from illness. I felt guilty—even towards the shelter. But when I visited to apologize and report the death, they said:
“Maro was happy because they met you. Thank you for giving them a joyful life.”
That moment offered immense comfort and reminded me of how much I loved Maro.
We would like to introduce some of our customers’ anecdotes.
A 30‑year‑old woman had lost her 12‑year companion two months prior. Blaming herself for perceived inadequacies, she couldn’t even look at her cat’s photos. But one day, scrolling through old pictures reminded her how much she’d cared and loved her cat. She ordered a memorial cushion from several shops—our shop’s included. The cushion arrived and brought relief; through it, she recalled happy times. She also realized others shared her grief and care. Gradually, self-blame faded, replaced by pride in how deeply she’d loved.
Choosing gratitude over regret
Here is the situation at that time
After my own beloved cat passed, I found myself stuck in “I should have done more…” But my family reminded me I had loved and cared—played with them every day, let them sleep on my lap, cherished them. Focusing on “what I did do,” not what I didn’t, helped me heal. Photos are powerful: revisit them, reminisce, and count your moments of joy.
I stroked Maro, who always came and sat on my lap like this.
Maro often spent his time on my lap.
Maro was on my lap when I was eating cake, reading a book, or watching TV.
I remembered the times we played together, and took lots of photos.
I’m sure you all take photos too.
Look back at those photos.
I’m sure many happy memories will come back to you.
Try counting the fun times you had.
How Memorial Items Help Healing
At KnitMyPetJP customers often share:
It’s a constant surprise—and comfort—to see memorial items spark those feelings.
Crafting knit cushions from customers’ photos, I sometimes hear:
“Warm—it felt like my dog returned.”
We never thought our simple cushions could become emotional anchors, but they do. They ease the pain left by loss and bridge the gap between grief and peace.
knit cushion
Related article: How to help family and friends who feel responsible for the death of their pet
Final Thoughts: You Are Not a ‘Failed Owner’
Those who loved deeply often regret deeply. But please, don’t punish yourself. Regrets come from love. Continually blaming yourself might even prevent your pet’s spirit from finding peace.
Pets often hide their pain, seeking to protect us. You might not have noticed sickness, but you did love deeply. You might not have held them in their last moment, but you did spend years by their side. So let go of regret—and send them off with kindness in your heart.
You might think you’re not a good owner—but that’s not true. You met them, chose them, and gave them love. That makes you the best owner you could be.
And when the time comes, gather your strength and say goodbye with a smile. You’ll both find peace in that. Even if tears fall long after, that’s okay—it shows love deep enough to heal.
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