When Your Pet Passes Away: How to Handle Hurtful Comments from Others
When a beloved pet dies, there are times you must share the news with your workplace, family, or friends.
But if you’re not careful, you may hear words that cut deeply.
I’ve experienced this myself, and many of my customers have shared similar stories with me.
In those moments, it’s natural to feel anxious about how to face that person from then on.
Over time, I’ve spent a lot of thought on why some people don’t seem to understand pet loss. Eventually, I began to understand their perspective a little.
I realized it usually comes down to two things:
- They mean no harm.
- They simply don’t understand because they’ve never experienced it.
In this post, I’ll share my thoughts in more detail. My hope is that, by the end, you’ll feel a little lighter and maybe even find it in your heart to forgive those who have said hurtful things.
My own experience
In my case, the painful words came from someone close to me after the death of my dog.
I’ve also heard from customers who were told by family members, “Stop crying already,” leaving them feeling like they no longer had a safe place in their own home.
Sadly, many people have faced the same pain.
If you’re going through this, please know—you are not alone.
The Mindset Behind People Who Say Hurtful Things
Let me share a story from when we exhibited our work at a trade show.
A woman stopped at our booth and looked at our products—custom-made pet memorial goods. She told me:
I’ve never owned a pet, so I couldn’t understand those feelings.
I remember thinking, Why are you crying so much? It’s like a family member died.”
This woman was very refined and seemed kind. Yet even someone like her had no real understanding of the pain of losing a pet.
On another occasion, I was interviewed by a newspaper. When I explained that we create pieces to support people grieving the loss of a pet, the reporter said:
This person also seemed warm and compassionate, but openly admitted they couldn’t truly understand what pet loss feels like.
What both of these people had in common was simple:
While many of us see our pets as family, people who have never owned one may not share that same view. Neither of them meant any harm—they just had no frame of reference, and therefore didn’t think to choose their words carefully.
How to Process Our Feelings After Hearing Hurtful Words
Even when someone speaks coldly without any real intention to hurt us, their words can still cut deeply.
In moments like this, I believe the best way to process our feelings is simple:
We’ve all had times when, even if we understand something logically, our emotions refuse to settle. And haven’t you noticed how, after sharing your troubles with someone, you sometimes feel a bit lighter?
There’s a reason for that. Speaking your thoughts out loud—and hearing your own words—can help you organize your feelings more objectively.
Another important reason is this: it reminds you that there are people who truly understand and empathize with what you’re going through.
Many of my customers have told me they felt lighter after exchanging emails with me.
If you don’t have someone to talk to, you can still try speaking your thoughts out loud to yourself, or writing them down.
Remember:
- The person who said those words isn’t necessarily a bad person.
- They aren’t attacking you personally.
- They simply haven’t experienced the loss of a pet—or something equally precious—so they can’t relate.
Of course, it’s not as simple as “problem solved” just by thinking this way. But I hope these ideas offer you at least a small step toward healing.
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